Having a dream lover can be much more than pleasant. People who practice Dream RePlay often develop a highly erotic dream life. Sometimes it is simply a matter of the dreamer enjoying their own sexuality and at other times the dreams emphasize the loving aspect of sex.

Men, Gays and Others

When writing about sex it is hard to cover every possible combination of orientation and gender. To say that ''he or she'' is attracted to ''her or him or him or her'' only turns everyone off. So this column addresses straight women. Straight men, gays, lesbians and others will find that their own issues are sometimes identical and sometimes mirror images of those discussed here but the desire for sex and love and the conflicts these arouse in us are true for everyone.

Sandy's dream

I have been having a recurring dream for several months in which a man who is much younger than I am is my lover. In the dreams, we make love in some wonderful locations. I know that I can trust him and that he truly loves me. I love having these dreams.

That's close to a perfect dream! Sandy would walk around all day feeling vibrant.

Beth's Dream

I dream I am interviewing a potential client. We sit down on a couch together. Slowly and deliberately, he moves closer to me so that my leg and his leg are touching. It is very, very sexy.

Beth had endured many dreams in which there was a triangle of two women and a man. This dream represented a major break through and transformed her dream relationship with men.

Sandy and Beth's dreams are the product of a great deal of dream work in which the dreamer explored her relationship with the men in her dreams.

The Man of Your Dreams

It makes sense to me that you won't find the man of your dreams until the men in your dreams are treating you well and you want them in your dream life.

When your dream self is always arguing with an ex or is only meeting inappropriate men, I doubt that you are likely to meet the waking life man of your dreams.

As your dream life changes, you will get signals from your dream life that you are ready to meet ''Mr. Right.''

Theresa's Dreams

Theresa had broken up with her boy friend several years ago. She had a mixture of dreams in which she mainly encountered unpleasant men. They were rude to her, they ignored her, or she wished they would because she disliked them.

Several months later, she had a dream in which she was a fashion model. She looked hot, she felt hot. When the photographer said – ''move for me,'' she gracefully walked up a vertical brick wall in stiletto heels. Everyone in the dream group cheered. Theresa's dream life had taken a startling turn.

What followed was a series of dreams in which men wanted to meet her, but they had difficulty connecting.

Often the men needed direction. One date just circled the block because he couldn't find a parking place. In another dream, two different men wanted to take her on a date on the same evening.

Over the course of six months, Ms. Nothing-Ever-Works Out-For-Me had transformed into Wonder Woman. Now it was the men who were trying to find her instead of the other way round.

Finally Theresa went through a series of dreams in which she actually liked the men in her dreams. These guys were romantic. They were sexy. They created hot steamy dates with all the right moves.

You will not be too surprised to learn that, after this series of dreams in her night life, in waking life, Theresa met a man who proposed to her (and she accepted).

Summary

When you are single and looking for a relationship, I think it is important to ''clean up'' your dream life. If you are still dreaming about someone who is long gone, or your dreams put you in uncomfortable relations with your dream-men then I think you need to work to change those dreams so that you are ready in waking life for the waking man of your dreams.